Ramblings of a MadWoman

Brutal Beauty

We open our senses
So that we can feel
The truth that lies within
It starts as a dull ache
Deep within our hearts
A sense of disturbance
Discomfort
Tightly bound
Constriction

I know not what it is
That binds me
Only that its time to unwind
The ugly barbs that bite into my heart
Restricting my beat
Thwarting my flow

A trickle of love flows thru my veins
There has been a drought within
No longer a fertile oasis
Starved … barren
Everything brown
Faded like straw
Limp & lifeless

Grey tones
Give way to empty miles
Of nothingness
Neutral tones
Boring beige

A lonely landscape
Or though it seems
There is a life force of its own
Build for this barren harsh land
Flourishing underneath
The harsh brutality
Beautiful in its own right
Rugged
Jutting

Acute angles
Cut the landscape
Dramatic in their setting
It stops you dead in your tracks
You take notice
Of you or the landscape
They are only a reflection of you
You are one & the same

What you see in the surrounding landscape
Is what is resonating within you
Some days it’s lush green pastures
Others … stark ruggedness
Or perhaps tranquil river banks
All bold contrasts!

All these scenes reflecting
The different forms within
Our inner landscape
As dynamic as the changing climate around us
Showing us that beauty emanates from all
Be it brutal, tranquil or lush

A reflective message …
To love & appreciate every aspect of you
Not just selected parts
The good … the bad
The ugly … the beautiful
Nurturing and brutal
All support
Just different tones
They all serve
Why else would they be part of our lives!

I Know

I know & see clearly
No doubt in my mind
No judgment in my heart
I see the truth of intention
I reveal that
For all to see

Images of You

I feel the warmth of your smile
The gentleness of your touch
My heart is open & connected to you
So many miles apart
And yet I feel your presence
As though you are here beside me
I long for that now
Your physical & emotional touch

Laughter

I love the sound of laughter
Infectious as it is
You break into a smile
Watching the delights of those around you
Pure joy
It fuels the heart mind & soul

The Best For You

I dream a dream
Not even I can see
To be the best
That I can be
Explore all paths
& ideas too
Be sure to follow
What’s best for you

Battle Weary

Silent aggression invades me
Poisoning my head
Torturing my emotions
My body bears the signs of battle …
… hardened mouth
… blaring eyes
… snarling lips
… nostrils flaring
… shoulders up around my ears
Every part of me tight & weary
Eyes cast down
Hiding the turmoil within
Too ugly for the eyes of loved ones
I become reclusive or
Put on a brave face
I plod thru the day
Hoping … willing … wanting
Tomorrow to be different
But will it?
Only I hold the key to freedom!
Will I choose to stay a victim of my own misery?
Yes … I know better
But instead I choose the road of self torture!
Why?
I have no idea!
But I know inside I do
I am kidding myself!
So what stops me from admitting or acknowledging?
Why do I choose to make it more difficult for myself?
As though I am trying to create my own failures
So I can rise successfully from the battle?
My achievement all that greater
Or perhaps I am addicted to drama
Or do I just want to create a story for myself!!!
One of toil, pain & gain
Or perhaps I am just programmed for pain!!!
Either way … I do it well
The self torture … that is
I feel like I have done a masters degree
Graduated with honors
A skill for life
God no!!!!!
If only I put the same amount of energy & effort
Into moving forward as I did with staying stuck!!!
I’d be light years ahead!!!
Instead I am like a cauldron of oil
Smoldering & smoking
Waiting for the slightest opportunity
Where I can boil to a crisp
Rendering myself tainted & unusable
It’s as though I want to spoil my own goods
Thwarting all opportunities!
And you know what?
I cannot help myself
I stew & simmer automatically
As though I am pre programmed
Perhaps I am!!!
Why do I hold myself back?
Resisting the success I deserve?
Why do I diminish my own self worth?
I am worthy & deserving
Regardless of what any priest says!!!
“Lord I am not worthy & deserving …
But only say the words & I shall be healed”
I feel cursed!
Who has the right
Divine or mortal
To determine my worthiness
Or what I deserve
That power comes from within
No wonder millions walk this earth believing they are victims
They believe the power is outside of them!!
If only they knew!!!

What Are You Waiting For?

What are you waiting for?
A personal invitation …
To step into your life?
Permission to live?
Courage to fail?
To fall flat on your face
Dust yourself off
And take that next step
Feeling a sense of pride
Yes!!!
I can do it!
I can put one step
In front of the other
I can face another day
I can hold my head high
And say …
I am proud of me
For everything I have done
Or not done
For what I have said …
Or not said
For what I have felt …
Or not felt
I am proud of me
Unconditionally

Witness

Do you stand being alone?
Witness to your own life
There is no escape
Now or ever
Be what it may
It is all you have
So don’t throw it away!

Knowing

Heartfelt knowing
Is what I seek
Synchronis rhythm
My heart does beat
Relaxed & flowing
Is no mean feat
To sense & know
My own belief

Feelings

My feelings are of me
But they are not me
They speak to me
They educate me
But they do not define me!

Supple Strength

A soft voice within whispers …
You’ve done well
You’ve followed your heart
You battled your head
You’ve evolved the things not working
No more blind beliefs
No more plodding on the treadmill
You’ve broken the cycle
You’ve dug deep
To discover what’s inside
A woman of great depth
With an enormous heart
One who feels everything she does
No more auto pilot
No more numbness
The fortress has tumbled
You are stronger now
More than before
The supple strength of the willow
Who flexes with the elements
Meshing with their environment
Deep rooted, grounded & stable
Moving to the seasons
Reveling in whatever climate blows her way
Strong & supple in her form
Soft, languid & nurturing in her presence
Welcoming with her lush green foliage
A peaceful spot for all to rest!
Enveloped by your draping lines
You surround those around you
With harmony & joy
They drink from your spirit
Refreshed for the next stage
Of their life’s’ experience

Create & Destroy

Not only do we create but we destroy
What is destruction?
A clearing of the past …
The paving of a new path …
Purging old beliefs …
Lightening the load …

Every minute of every day
Our bodies are both creating & destroying
Our cellular structure is killing off
Powering down
Phasing out old cells
It does this to keep up vitality
To keep us in perfect working order
It makes way for the new

And so  …
We too …
Consciously & unconsciously
Create & destroy
Hand in hand
They work in tandem
Like everything in this paradox we call life
Two sides of the same coin

So often we only want to see one side
But there is always 2
Do you see them now
In everything you do
Take a look
It is always there

Naked

Here I sit self conscious
For all to see
I wear my heart on my sleeve
I strip myself bare
In plain view
Nowhere to hide
Naked
Part of me enjoys the exhibitionism
Part of me feels awkward
In fact I often feel awkward

But what is awkwardness?
Is it not just the fear of being judged?
Not being good enough
Or inappropriate
Or perhaps being rejected

Does it really matter?
The most important thing
Is your own opinion
Are you rejecting you?
Be comfortable with you
Be comfortable in your own skin
Cause if you are
Everyone else will be
As they are only reflections of you!!!

Infinite Opportunities

Infinite opportunities
Floating in the air
Infinite opportunities
Surround me everywhere
Infinite opportunities
Are there if you care
Infinite opportunities
Pluck them if you dare!

Balance

Balance …
A desire so strong
Seeking …  searching
We look for that elusive balance

What is it really?
A mid point?
Oscillation between 2 extremes?
Its different things for different people

A set of scales evenly poised
Treading carefully
So we do not disrupt
Perfect symmetry

Perhaps the ebb & flow
High tide
Low tide
Perfect counter balance

Head in the oven
Feet in the freezer
On average …
I am warm!

What is it really?
A concept … A construct
Of how we should or shouldn’t
Different things for different people!

Balance
A perception
Of the mind
Of the senses

If we see wide enough
If we see far enough
We will see the truth
Everything as it should be

Every minute of every day
Perfect unison
Perfect synergy
All in balance or counter balance

So like the pendulum swing
Perfect symmetry
If you can only see
Both sides of the swing

Too & fro
We ebb & flow
The dance of life
Fluidity in motion

Conscious Creation

My soul is here to speak
My soul is here to teach
No need for sound
No need for speak

Pure resonation
Thru & thru
We communicate
As one
Connected
Sensing
Knowing
Our truth
Beyond the creative illusions
We master so well

We are the creators of our lives
We get what we want
Consciously
Unconsciously

It’s time to be deliberate
To become the authors of our lives
The producer of our life’s experience
Deliberate in our creations
We have the power
For it lies within

Take it
Embrace it
You can do no wrong
There are no mistakes
Only investments in you!

Reflections Of You

Everything you see
Is a reflection of you
Your state of mind
Your inner feelings
Your self worth
Your values & beliefs
All a projection
Then a simple reflection

This is how we get to see
That which lies within
Our construct
Our programming
Our boundaries
Our limitations

You speak to others
How you speak to yourself
Always speaking the words you need to hear
And if you do not listen
Others will speak them back
They will voice the subconscious
Fears, guilts & doubts
All will be played back to you
Amplified!
From your cast around you

You are indeed the creator of this play
Scripting the roles of others
No wonder you are a self fulfilling prophecy

We are equipped
With our own navigation system
Guiding our journey
Correcting our paths

Everything is feedback
Success & failure
Good & bad
Positive & negative
Two different streams
Just like hot & cold
Not better
Not worse
Just different!

Everything serves
That’s why it’s all support
Helping on your path
You may not choose to see it that way
But that is purely your perception

Same in Essence

I see you
You see me
But what do we both really see?

Reflections of you
Or reflections of me
What will it truly be?

Both …
We see parts of ourselves
In each other
That’s why we’ll always be
Sisters & brothers!

Not related by blood
A resounding resonance
Same in essence
Just different in expression!

I Speak To You!

I speak to you
The spirit within
I know you hear me!

Let yourself be known
For you are alive & vibrant
Waiting for that moment
To come forth

Not in a song & dance
Subtly … organically
Magically at first
Then consistent waves
Washing over you

I know you feel it
Resonating in your body
Cells jiggling
Hairs tingling

It speaks to you
So listen
For it provides you
Insight & guidance
Everything you need to know

You can travel light
Comfortable in the knowing
That you are being looked after
Guided

So listen with your heart
You will hear me in the stillness
In the space between your thoughts

Do you know what that is?
Stillness?
Or do you cram activity & thought
Into every last second
Not a moment to waste!!!

But what place has waste?
If you have a mindset of abundance
Waste goes hand in hand
With lack & limitation

If you only knew …
Infinite opportunities lay all around you
Waiting to be called forth

So clear your mind of lack
Clear your mind of limitation
Know you are worthy & deserving
Of everything the universe has to offer
Cause it’s yours in the making!

Expansion

I glow
I radiate
My inner shines out!
Expanding
I reach out
Splintering into microscopic fragments
Floating
Tiny ideas, thoughts & feelings
Floating
Spectrums of knowledge, insight & knowing
Floating
I find my recipients
As they inhale
Something shines within
Every breath fans their genius
Their spirit a warm inner glow
Their journey has begun!

Free To Be Me

I transcend the boundaries of my mind
I expand beyond the constraints of my heart
I flow freely where my spirit leads me
Never knowing what discovery awaits me
I am free
Free to me
Spirit …
Take me where you please!!

Fortune

Fortune eludes me
But I know it’s mine to have
With certainty & knowing
I know this is true

Rhythmic Fingerprints

I ping
I pong
I sing my magic song!
Resonating throughout the universe
I can be felt by all around me
Sight … sound … sense
Any mode will do
Like a ripple
I radiate
Like an echo
I reverberate
You feel me energetically
In every fibre of your being
In perfect unison
Rhythmic fingerprints
Unique to your being
Your cells jiggling for joy
Their natural state
But foreign to many
Known to few
All can have me
I am everywhere
But nowhere
I am within you
I am around you
I am the essence of you!

Gala Performance

The sky darkens
Day turns to night
The smell of rain hits your nostrils
Like smelling salts
Alert now!
Watching … waiting
You feel the electricity in the air
Charged particles spinning at random
Building momentum
Brewing … brooding
The seconds tick by
As we all hold our breath
Waiting for the storm to break
Lightening rips thru the sky
Advance warning of what is to come
Thunderous applause as the heavens breech
A deluge like nothing seen before
Instant flash flooding
Every channel bursting its banks
A cleansing moment
So torrid
So wild
It creates excitement
As we huddle together
Under what little shelter we have
Surrounded by natural beauty
A gala performance
Unfolding before us
All on cue
Perfectly orchestrated
Sight & sound synchronised
No better choreography
Mother nature at her best!

Metaphysical Pioneer

Freedom … bondage
Teasing … torment
My mind does this to me!
I sense an inability
A growing resentment!

All things serve
I just don’t see
Knowledge & insight
More painful to bear
I don’t want to play
I don’t want to care

Rebelliousness arises
Deep within me
Forever the defiant child
I push aside the norm
Separating myself from the rest
Searching for my best

Will I ever be content?
With what I see in front of me?
Sometimes I think not!
But that only makes me look longer & harder
Searching for new ways
Searching for new insights
For this is my plight!

Leave no rock unturned
Some do this in the physical sense!
Me
I am an explorer of the heart, mind & soul
A metaphysical pioneer
Searching for links
And inter dependencies
For we are not separate
We are intricately entwined
Heart soul body & mind

For every shift
There is a counter shift
I will unearth these relationships
These intricacies
For all to see & understand
It will guide some
Whilst others …
Will close their minds
Forever to remain blind!

Flirting With Danger

We berate ourselves
Giving ourselves a hard time
Mustn’t forget the mistakes we have made
All the stupid things we have said & done!
Constant inner chatter
Looping our minds into never ending questioning
We are our own worst enemy!

Self talk erodes any remaining confidence
It fuels our growing self doubt!
Clarity of purpose thwarted
Activity slows
Ultimately grinding to a halt
That inner sense of knowing … lost
Momentarily at first
Then for prolonged periods

Futility sets in
Deepened by the knowledge of how high we can achieve
Spiraling downwards
We crash & burn
Frustrated from the apathy
Perplexed we watch the deepest desire 
To bring about our darkest fate!

Why do we dance this seductive dance?
Wooing failure
Flirting with danger
Taunting the unacceptable
Like a long lost lover
The embrace is almost impossible to break
Sacrificing all that we have
All inroads we have made
All achievements to date

For what?
We know not!
We just feel compelled to act this way
As though it comes from deep within
We know not the rhyme or reason
It makes no sense
We have so much going for us
But deep inside the discontent grows

We feel contempt
Devoid of all love …
For self …
For others …
True disdain
We have no tolerance
Why this deep disturbance?
Perhaps we aren’t good enough
Always raising the bar
When is enough enough?

We continue thru the day
Making things a thousand times worse
Who needs enemies when we have ourselves
Help … I’m sleeping with the enemy!
No one can hurt me as much as me
I keep punishing me
For what …
There’s always something I’ve done wrong!

We are the toughest on ourselves
Why can’t we choose the easy route!
It’s there for the taking
Part of you wants to
Part of you feels it’s a cop out
No pain … no gain
And we want lots of gain
So hence we must endure the pain!

Pain which we inflict upon ourselves
Surely life was meant to be easy!
But for some stupid reason we do not allow this!!
We make everything complicated
Making it a chore or a drama!

Why do we struggle so?
Is it part of our growth & transformation?
Like the caterpillar to the butterfly
It uses every last bit of energy
All effort to rip away the stifling cocoon
It sheds its ugly skin
It starts a new stage of life
Perhaps it is with us

Each struggle represents another step
And as we wrestle with our circumstances
We shed old beliefs & perceptions
No longer serving our new form
And as we stop to catch our breath
Our new purpose unveils

A new chapter begins
We are armed with greater knowledge & know how
For the next leg of the journey
Discoveries to be made
Challenges to be conquered
Joyful times to be shared

In our new form …
With open hearts & minds
We start to hear the whispers of our soul
Urging us on
Giving us a sense of direction
Lighting Our Way!

True Love Forever

The wind whips the palm trees
The waves pound the shore
Weddings all around me
Commitments for life
True love forever
The chink of glasses
The sound of laughter
Joy … elation
How will this moment last?
Only to be traded for another
And what will that be
Contentment …
Fulfillment …
A lifelong companion
Two as one
One as two
And so it shall be
A life blessed together
Oh what a life it will be!