Ramblings of a MadWoman

Doing What I Love

Doing what I love
Is not a luxury or privilege
It’s my right in life

My Oasis

Underneath every harsh & barren desert
There lays an oasis waiting to flourish

Open Hearted

My heart is open
Expansive
Like an open channel
I am ready to receive

Overly Capable

Imagine
If we were capable 24*7
What room would there be
For others to step forward
To allow them to contribute
To flourish & grow
If you are always capable
And in control
Where is the room
… For your partners support
… Your children to help
… Your work mates to have a go
For as long as you are fully capable
There is no room
For growth of self
Or others
Perhaps you are stealing the limelight
Hoarding the opportunities
No matter
It always balances out
In the end
Either they will become dependant
And you resentful
Or it will fire them up
So they demand an opportunity
Either way
It is catalyst for change
A chance to rebalance the sea saw!

Fear of Unknown

Today’s truth …
I have an unknown fear
Or so I thought!
But really
It’s a fear of the unknown.
How obvious is that!
Yet I refuse to see
Keeping myself blind
So that I would not
Move on

I love surprises
I love the sense of discovery
I love new experiences
So why this fear of unknown?
Will I feel unprepared?
Possibly
Will I feel silly or foolish?
Possibly
Perhaps I’ll be surprised & delighted
I’ll never never know
Till I give it a go!

So why the fear of unknown?
Do I use it as an excuse?
Yes
For what?
Stalling
For what?
To improve my preparedness
Isn’t that just self conscious crap?
Yes yes yes
So what’s so bad about being unprepared?
I make a mistake …
Big deal!
You undo it …
Or back track …
Or do it again!
Perhaps I’ll loose face
And as an expert
That may affect my credibility!
But that may only be my perception
Cause in actuality …
I am demonstrating courage …
Courage to fall down … then get up!
Perhaps even a thousand times.
Innovators & pioneers of past
Have done exactly that!

Think back to a child
Learning to walk …
Fall down
Get up
Fall down
Get up
Wobble a few steps
Plonk!
On your bott
Grinning from ear to ear
Giggly & proud
For taking those few steps
So perhaps I am
Just learning to walk & talk
A new chapter of my life
Where is the fear in that!

Life

” And in the end, its not the years in your life that count. Its the life in your years.” – Abraham Lincoln

Your Loving Self!

Heartfelt feeling
Expands my being
My arms reach
Around the world
Embracing souls
Embracing spirits
The life blood of us all
Bonded
By unknown threads
Connecting us all

I sense them
I see them
United as one
We search
We skip
To different tunes
All seeking the same
… Connection
… Understanding
… Purpose
… Belonging
… A love of life
… A love of self
… Unbroken love
As it truly is

The ego may flex
To test the bounds
But love flows freely
Unthwarted by you
Unthwarted by me
A mystic magic
So simple
So true
For we are made of love
It is the pulse
Within your veins
It is the life source
That all of us seek

Look no further
For every fibre within
Holds love as its nucleus
Deception may be at work
If you feel
… loveless
… heartless
… unworthy
… non deserving
For this is all a charade
Your true self
Knows its origins
Your true self
Knows its core

Don’t fear love
It doesn’t fear you
You deny yourself
Starve yourself
Barricade yourself
Not wanting
Or allowing love in
Do you think it’s weak?
Do you think it indulgent?
Or perhaps it’s a distraction
Straying you
From the many conquests
That awaits you

Your deception is calculated
It’s keeping you safe
So you think!
But that is your mind
Ruled by logic
Not heartfelt feelings
They are not whimsical
They are your truth
If you continue to deny
Your discontent will grow
Cause its calling you
Alerting you
To a greater self
Your loving self
That allows you to be
Soulful & free
No pretences
Just you
Beautiful you
As you are
Thru & thru!

Empty Spaces

Empty spaces
Fill my mind
Empty spaces
No way I’m blind
Empty spaces
For all to see
Empty spaces
Just room to be
Empty spaces
Don’t leave me cold
Empty spaces
So much to unfold
Empty spaces
They serve me well
Empty spaces
So much to tell
Empty spaces
They spark my fire
Empty spaces
Playgrounds to inspire!

Rest Easy

Tired now
I think I’ll rest
No longer
Am I at my best!
I’ve given all
I have to give
No moments
Must I now relive!
For I am happy
With what I’ve done
I’ve opened minds
And had some fun!

Paddle Away

Sometimes we have to paddle around
Before we head off down the rapids of life!

Orchestration

I create this moment
And the next
I’m totally responsible
For what I get!

Impressions

The sea is me
Languid & loose
Not today!
Hammering the shore
I carve out my path
Pounding that rock
Creating a new form
Etching a new character
Each one a unique finger print
Open for interpretation

Trepidation

Like an unwelcome squatter
You hover behind closed doors
Silent aggression
Loud & clear
You occupy my head
But not my heart!

I acknowledge your presence
A transient traveler
Not long will you stay
For I know in my heart
You were commissioned by my ego
To stray me from my path!

Yes … I may be diverted
But I will soon be on my way
With greater resolve
And determination
A new game I will play!

Stepping Outside the Shadow

Sometimes we feel so alone with our struggles
Even though we are surrounded by people who dearly love us!
Lost souls within the crowd!
Disconnected from our own love
We are unable to experience true unconditional love
Barren, heartless, empty & numb
It’s a dark old place that we know all to well!

At times I don’t feel like it’s the real me
As though I am another being
Totally unaware of the power I have at my finger tips
Someone who persists in torturing themselves
Rather than simply flicking the switch & changing states!

Why do we continue to allow ourselves to suffer?
Why is this our preferred choice?
Do we know no better?
Or do we believe this is our lot in life?
One we cannot change!

Have we been completely brain washed by religious ideals?
No longer relevant to our modernized lives
Will we continue to perish in doom & gloom?
Branded as sinners
Living a life long term of penance!

How sad that mankind continues to live in darkness
Not wanting to step outside the shadow of the almighty being
And claim the power that is theirs alone to share!

Our Perpetul Power

We have a perpetual power within
One that is boundless & ageless
It is not outside of you
You hold the key within
Everything you need is within you now
You just need to see this
Do not be afraid
It will cause you no harm
And you will not harm others
This is the real you
The real me
The real us
We are love
We are light
We are spaceless
We are timeless
We are pure energy
We are neither created or destroyed
Only transformed
So where is the fear in that!!!

A New Life Is Born

A barrage of thoughts
Bombards my brain
Peace & harmony
Erodes before my eyes
The niggling voice within
Raises its ugly head

Who are you to dream so big?
What makes you so special?
Why should I have luck?
Life wasn’t meant to be easy!

For many a week I have soldiered on
Struggling with a tirade of emotions & thoughts
Wondering why it has to be such a battle!
So much effort for so little return
Why do I make it so?

More ducking & diving as I search my soul
To understand my true life’s purpose
To focus the gifts I have
To realise the potential within

Like a caged animal
It paces
It’s restless
It’s relentless
It pounds the bounds of my heart

Free me please free me
Such urgency like never before
A sense of life or death
Be free … wild abandonment
As humanly possible
There is no tomorrow
If you continue as before!

The way is clear
You know what you must do
To break the bonds
That tie you down

A sense of longing & trepidation co-exits
Tightness & lightness
Knowing what’s ahead
Determination is what fuels me now
It gives me the courage
To breakthrough when its time

The rewards are boundless
Pure joy awaits me
Teasing me forward
Propelling me
To a place unknown

My baptism of fire
My phoenix rising
My crucible
It all awaits
And with it …
New life is born!

Your Divine Perfection

I love this space
It’s home to me
Centered with an open heart
I can view the world
My life, my work, my family, my friends
Everything as it should be
The realisation of who I am
Is far more important than who I could be

I love the person I am
Now that’s a transformation!!!
Certainly not a perfect specimen
By society standards
But perfect for me!

I embrace the many facets of me
That gives me character, grace & beauty
Like a rough cut gem
My essence shines thru for all to see
So many angles to reflect the light
So much depth & beauty to get lost in
So hardy & strong

I weather the elements
Mother natures scars
Adding intrigue & character
I am shaped
I am molded
By my time on this earth
I am magnificent in my current state
No need to change who I be
I am perfect in this form!

If only you could see
You have that too!!!
You don’t have to search & seek
It is there before you
Open your eyes
Remove the beliefs that blinker you
See it … or even better … sense it
I know you do
Go on … close your eyes & sense it
You know its there

How long can you continue
To deny your own divine perfection
Feel it
It comes from within
Everything you need
Is within you now
So embrace it all
Allow the magic to flow
You heal & grow
From the insight out!

The Essence Of Me

You showed your face today
Quite unexpectantly
That’s why you had such a profound effect on me
You were welcoming
Full of warmth
And invitation
So shall we dance?
This dance they call life
I feel like I am ready now
To embrace all that you have to offer
To allow myself to shine
To live & love unconditionally
Can I have that 24 * 7?
Not sure how!
I know I will place many conditions upon myself & others
But I know in my heart this is the real me
Vibrant … retiring
Bold …. vulnerable
Sharing … possessive
Protective … free flowing
I am all of these
But I have my own unique blend!
We are same in essence
Different in expression
The essence of Jen
Sometimes heady & over powering
Other times just a subtle scent
Invigorating & yet calming & balancing
Like any true essence
I differ from person to person!
And that is my magic
Like a chameleon
I can change my form
I can blend to my surroundings
Or I can stand out
Exposed for all to see
Strong … identifiable
Unique & individual
In my own way
In my own expression
Thank you soul
For sharing this with me!

Words

The power of a word
To invoke such meaning
To touch your heart
To open your eyes
To the beauty within
It helps me to see me
It helps me to feel me
It helps me to express me

Words alone are not the source
The meaning they portray
Comes from within you
Comes from within me
Together we convey meaning & resonance
True communication
A mutual exchange
Me … with my intent
You … with your construct
We place meaning upon & within

No matter if they are different
For words are here to invoke a truth
Insight & understanding
Our truths may be different
No matter
This is what makes us unique

I don’t need to force my truth upon you
Or you on me
We are merely here to reflect each others truth
So that we can see it for what it is
Be grateful for these gifts of insight
For they are precious gems
Guiding our path

To understand you
To understand me
To understand all that will be
For only in knowing yourself
Can you love & appreciate
Who you are now
Not … who you want to be

Breeze

Oh beautiful breeze
Take me where you please
As I glide upon you with great ease!

Sun Lover

I feel your warmth
Playing on my face
Your breeze
Ruffles my hair
The knots in my heart
Loosen
I close my eyes
Seduced by your warmth
I feel safe
Nurtured
Rejuvenation commences
Releasing the binds
I place around me
Slowly at first
I relax into your warmth
Wooed by your intensity
I feel it penetrate my mind
Clearing the crap
Making room
Preparing space
For new chapters
There’s so much to sample
Plenty to taste
I feel compelled
To drink it all
Nothing to waste!

Your Truth

My spirit struggles
Or so I think
I feel abandoned
Disconnected
From my life force

All this was trickery
My spirit was never lost
It has been constant
Unchanging
Unwavering
It has taken me many years
To realise this

My mind has been the magician here
Leading me to believe a false truth
In cohorts with my ego
They have done an effective con job

Making me feel powerless
Lost & alone
But for all that
I have faced my fears
I have ridden the roller coaster baby!!!
I have survived!

And why wouldn’t I
I am spirit matter
I cannot die
I can only transform

Thru out my life
I have taken many forms
Some I liked
Some I detested
But none of them were the real me

Only physical forms
Like the clothes we wear
We can change them in a heartbeat
If truth be known
They do not define who they are
They do give us some form of self identity
This is not the true you

The essence of you
Is unaffected by what you say, think or do
It is independent of your symbols of success
It is timeless & spaceless
It is the space between your thoughts
The essence of you
Radiates
When you are present
With each moment
Not wanting for another
Future or past

The essence of you
Is love
It is light
It is the perpetual power
The human spirit
That spark within
That is never lost
Just hidden by your perceptions
See it now
Hear it now
Feel it now
Call it forth
It is your friend
It is your truth!

More Than We Seem

We are more than we seem
We are beyond the body you see
Beyond the emotions you feel
Beyond the actions you take
Beyond the realms that you sense

We are vastly powerful beings
Here to explore & discover
To play on every level
Whatever that be for you

Everything is here for you
Infinite possibilities
Floating in your space
Waiting for you to call them forth
To witness their creation

You have that power
We are all creators
Some more deliberate than others
How are you choosing to use that power?

Whole Within

We come & go
We ebb & flow
Some days we focus on our similarities
Other days … our differences
A perpetual cycle
Closeness then separation

When we feel whole within ourselves
Have you noticed how connected you feel?
Walk down the street & you radiate
Resonating with all around you
Your surrounds feel like an extension of you
Aligned
Congruent within
You are connected with all
This is the true you!

Gnarly & Narky

Not feeling very happy with myself today
Full of self hate & pity
The dark side wells deep within me
Wanting to spit fire and venom at anyone near me
Grievous bodily harm to anyone who even looks my way!
Attack … attack
Pick … pick … pick

Nasty ugly barbs bubble below the surface
Hidden behind a mild disdain for life in general
Not wanting to be helped
I sit stewing and simmering like a warm winter’s casserole

Yes … I too stick & burn
And sometimes it takes great effort
To clean the remnants
Hardened black ugly goo
That tends to resist the toughest of scourers
In fact …
That’s what I feel like
A scourer …
Rough and abrasive
And if you scrub too hard
You end up gnarly & out of shape
Caught up with ugly scraps
From the many feeding frenzies of the day!!

Empty Vessel

Unfeeling
Devoid of all emotion
Robotic in my action
Serious in my look
Striving
Driving
I’m living my life
Successfully
So I think!
I do the right things
I have all the symbols of success
Yet I am an empty vessel
Devoid of feeling
Disconnected
I act in spite of my emotions
Poker faced
No one knows what’s bubbling beneath the surface
A cauldron of discontent!

Brutal Beauty

We open our senses
So that we can feel
The truth that lies within
It starts as a dull ache
Deep within our hearts
A sense of disturbance
Discomfort
Tightly bound
Constriction

I know not what it is
That binds me
Only that its time to unwind
The ugly barbs that bite into my heart
Restricting my beat
Thwarting my flow

A trickle of love flows thru my veins
There has been a drought within
No longer a fertile oasis
Starved … barren
Everything brown
Faded like straw
Limp & lifeless

Grey tones
Give way to empty miles
Of nothingness
Neutral tones
Boring beige

A lonely landscape
Or though it seems
There is a life force of its own
Build for this barren harsh land
Flourishing underneath
The harsh brutality
Beautiful in its own right
Rugged
Jutting

Acute angles
Cut the landscape
Dramatic in their setting
It stops you dead in your tracks
You take notice
Of you or the landscape
They are only a reflection of you
You are one & the same

What you see in the surrounding landscape
Is what is resonating within you
Some days it’s lush green pastures
Others … stark ruggedness
Or perhaps tranquil river banks
All bold contrasts!

All these scenes reflecting
The different forms within
Our inner landscape
As dynamic as the changing climate around us
Showing us that beauty emanates from all
Be it brutal, tranquil or lush

A reflective message …
To love & appreciate every aspect of you
Not just selected parts
The good … the bad
The ugly … the beautiful
Nurturing and brutal
All support
Just different tones
They all serve
Why else would they be part of our lives!

I Know

I know & see clearly
No doubt in my mind
No judgment in my heart
I see the truth of intention
I reveal that
For all to see

Images of You

I feel the warmth of your smile
The gentleness of your touch
My heart is open & connected to you
So many miles apart
And yet I feel your presence
As though you are here beside me
I long for that now
Your physical & emotional touch

Laughter

I love the sound of laughter
Infectious as it is
You break into a smile
Watching the delights of those around you
Pure joy
It fuels the heart mind & soul