Like an unwelcome squatter
You hover behind closed doors
Silent aggression
Loud & clear
You occupy my head
But not my heart!
I acknowledge your presence
A transient traveler
Not long will you stay
For I know in my heart
You were commissioned by my ego
To stray me from my path!
Yes … I may be diverted
But I will soon be on my way
With greater resolve
And determination
A new game I will play!
Sometimes we feel so alone with our struggles
Even though we are surrounded by people who dearly love us!
Lost souls within the crowd!
Disconnected from our own love
We are unable to experience true unconditional love
Barren, heartless, empty & numb
It’s a dark old place that we know all to well!
At times I don’t feel like it’s the real me
As though I am another being
Totally unaware of the power I have at my finger tips
Someone who persists in torturing themselves
Rather than simply flicking the switch & changing states!
Why do we continue to allow ourselves to suffer?
Why is this our preferred choice?
Do we know no better?
Or do we believe this is our lot in life?
One we cannot change!
Have we been completely brain washed by religious ideals?
No longer relevant to our modernized lives
Will we continue to perish in doom & gloom?
Branded as sinners
Living a life long term of penance!
How sad that mankind continues to live in darkness
Not wanting to step outside the shadow of the almighty being
And claim the power that is theirs alone to share!
We have a perpetual power within
One that is boundless & ageless
It is not outside of you
You hold the key within
Everything you need is within you now
You just need to see this
Do not be afraid
It will cause you no harm
And you will not harm others
This is the real you
The real me
The real us
We are love
We are light
We are spaceless
We are timeless
We are pure energy
We are neither created or destroyed
Only transformed
So where is the fear in that!!!
A barrage of thoughts
Bombards my brain
Peace & harmony
Erodes before my eyes
The niggling voice within
Raises its ugly head
Who are you to dream so big?
What makes you so special?
Why should I have luck?
Life wasn’t meant to be easy!
For many a week I have soldiered on
Struggling with a tirade of emotions & thoughts
Wondering why it has to be such a battle!
So much effort for so little return
Why do I make it so?
More ducking & diving as I search my soul
To understand my true life’s purpose
To focus the gifts I have
To realise the potential within
Like a caged animal
It paces
It’s restless
It’s relentless
It pounds the bounds of my heart
Free me please free me
Such urgency like never before
A sense of life or death
Be free … wild abandonment
As humanly possible
There is no tomorrow
If you continue as before!
The way is clear
You know what you must do
To break the bonds
That tie you down
A sense of longing & trepidation co-exits
Tightness & lightness
Knowing what’s ahead
Determination is what fuels me now
It gives me the courage
To breakthrough when its time
The rewards are boundless
Pure joy awaits me
Teasing me forward
Propelling me
To a place unknown
My baptism of fire
My phoenix rising
My crucible
It all awaits
And with it …
New life is born!
I love this space
It’s home to me
Centered with an open heart
I can view the world
My life, my work, my family, my friends
Everything as it should be
The realisation of who I am
Is far more important than who I could be
I love the person I am
Now that’s a transformation!!!
Certainly not a perfect specimen
By society standards
But perfect for me!
I embrace the many facets of me
That gives me character, grace & beauty
Like a rough cut gem
My essence shines thru for all to see
So many angles to reflect the light
So much depth & beauty to get lost in
So hardy & strong
I weather the elements
Mother natures scars
Adding intrigue & character
I am shaped
I am molded
By my time on this earth
I am magnificent in my current state
No need to change who I be
I am perfect in this form!
If only you could see
You have that too!!!
You don’t have to search & seek
It is there before you
Open your eyes
Remove the beliefs that blinker you
See it … or even better … sense it
I know you do
Go on … close your eyes & sense it
You know its there
How long can you continue
To deny your own divine perfection
Feel it
It comes from within
Everything you need
Is within you now
So embrace it all
Allow the magic to flow
You heal & grow
From the insight out!
You showed your face today
Quite unexpectantly
That’s why you had such a profound effect on me
You were welcoming
Full of warmth
And invitation
So shall we dance?
This dance they call life
I feel like I am ready now
To embrace all that you have to offer
To allow myself to shine
To live & love unconditionally
Can I have that 24 * 7?
Not sure how!
I know I will place many conditions upon myself & others
But I know in my heart this is the real me
Vibrant … retiring
Bold …. vulnerable
Sharing … possessive
Protective … free flowing
I am all of these
But I have my own unique blend!
We are same in essence
Different in expression
The essence of Jen
Sometimes heady & over powering
Other times just a subtle scent
Invigorating & yet calming & balancing
Like any true essence
I differ from person to person!
And that is my magic
Like a chameleon
I can change my form
I can blend to my surroundings
Or I can stand out
Exposed for all to see
Strong … identifiable
Unique & individual
In my own way
In my own expression
Thank you soul
For sharing this with me!
The power of a word
To invoke such meaning
To touch your heart
To open your eyes
To the beauty within
It helps me to see me
It helps me to feel me
It helps me to express me
Words alone are not the source
The meaning they portray
Comes from within you
Comes from within me
Together we convey meaning & resonance
True communication
A mutual exchange
Me … with my intent
You … with your construct
We place meaning upon & within
No matter if they are different
For words are here to invoke a truth
Insight & understanding
Our truths may be different
No matter
This is what makes us unique
I don’t need to force my truth upon you
Or you on me
We are merely here to reflect each others truth
So that we can see it for what it is
Be grateful for these gifts of insight
For they are precious gems
Guiding our path
To understand you
To understand me
To understand all that will be
For only in knowing yourself
Can you love & appreciate
Who you are now
Not … who you want to be
Oh beautiful breeze
Take me where you please
As I glide upon you with great ease!
I feel your warmth
Playing on my face
Your breeze
Ruffles my hair
The knots in my heart
Loosen
I close my eyes
Seduced by your warmth
I feel safe
Nurtured
Rejuvenation commences
Releasing the binds
I place around me
Slowly at first
I relax into your warmth
Wooed by your intensity
I feel it penetrate my mind
Clearing the crap
Making room
Preparing space
For new chapters
There’s so much to sample
Plenty to taste
I feel compelled
To drink it all
Nothing to waste!
My spirit struggles
Or so I think
I feel abandoned
Disconnected
From my life force
All this was trickery
My spirit was never lost
It has been constant
Unchanging
Unwavering
It has taken me many years
To realise this
My mind has been the magician here
Leading me to believe a false truth
In cohorts with my ego
They have done an effective con job
Making me feel powerless
Lost & alone
But for all that
I have faced my fears
I have ridden the roller coaster baby!!!
I have survived!
And why wouldn’t I
I am spirit matter
I cannot die
I can only transform
Thru out my life
I have taken many forms
Some I liked
Some I detested
But none of them were the real me
Only physical forms
Like the clothes we wear
We can change them in a heartbeat
If truth be known
They do not define who they are
They do give us some form of self identity
This is not the true you
The essence of you
Is unaffected by what you say, think or do
It is independent of your symbols of success
It is timeless & spaceless
It is the space between your thoughts
The essence of you
Radiates
When you are present
With each moment
Not wanting for another
Future or past
The essence of you
Is love
It is light
It is the perpetual power
The human spirit
That spark within
That is never lost
Just hidden by your perceptions
See it now
Hear it now
Feel it now
Call it forth
It is your friend
It is your truth!
We are more than we seem
We are beyond the body you see
Beyond the emotions you feel
Beyond the actions you take
Beyond the realms that you sense
We are vastly powerful beings
Here to explore & discover
To play on every level
Whatever that be for you
Everything is here for you
Infinite possibilities
Floating in your space
Waiting for you to call them forth
To witness their creation
You have that power
We are all creators
Some more deliberate than others
How are you choosing to use that power?
We come & go
We ebb & flow
Some days we focus on our similarities
Other days … our differences
A perpetual cycle
Closeness then separation
When we feel whole within ourselves
Have you noticed how connected you feel?
Walk down the street & you radiate
Resonating with all around you
Your surrounds feel like an extension of you
Aligned
Congruent within
You are connected with all
This is the true you!
Not feeling very happy with myself today
Full of self hate & pity
The dark side wells deep within me
Wanting to spit fire and venom at anyone near me
Grievous bodily harm to anyone who even looks my way!
Attack … attack
Pick … pick … pick
Nasty ugly barbs bubble below the surface
Hidden behind a mild disdain for life in general
Not wanting to be helped
I sit stewing and simmering like a warm winter’s casserole
Yes … I too stick & burn
And sometimes it takes great effort
To clean the remnants
Hardened black ugly goo
That tends to resist the toughest of scourers
In fact …
That’s what I feel like
A scourer …
Rough and abrasive
And if you scrub too hard
You end up gnarly & out of shape
Caught up with ugly scraps
From the many feeding frenzies of the day!!
Unfeeling
Devoid of all emotion
Robotic in my action
Serious in my look
Striving
Driving
I’m living my life
Successfully
So I think!
I do the right things
I have all the symbols of success
Yet I am an empty vessel
Devoid of feeling
Disconnected
I act in spite of my emotions
Poker faced
No one knows what’s bubbling beneath the surface
A cauldron of discontent!
We open our senses
So that we can feel
The truth that lies within
It starts as a dull ache
Deep within our hearts
A sense of disturbance
Discomfort
Tightly bound
Constriction
I know not what it is
That binds me
Only that its time to unwind
The ugly barbs that bite into my heart
Restricting my beat
Thwarting my flow
A trickle of love flows thru my veins
There has been a drought within
No longer a fertile oasis
Starved … barren
Everything brown
Faded like straw
Limp & lifeless
Grey tones
Give way to empty miles
Of nothingness
Neutral tones
Boring beige
A lonely landscape
Or though it seems
There is a life force of its own
Build for this barren harsh land
Flourishing underneath
The harsh brutality
Beautiful in its own right
Rugged
Jutting
Acute angles
Cut the landscape
Dramatic in their setting
It stops you dead in your tracks
You take notice
Of you or the landscape
They are only a reflection of you
You are one & the same
What you see in the surrounding landscape
Is what is resonating within you
Some days it’s lush green pastures
Others … stark ruggedness
Or perhaps tranquil river banks
All bold contrasts!
All these scenes reflecting
The different forms within
Our inner landscape
As dynamic as the changing climate around us
Showing us that beauty emanates from all
Be it brutal, tranquil or lush
A reflective message …
To love & appreciate every aspect of you
Not just selected parts
The good … the bad
The ugly … the beautiful
Nurturing and brutal
All support
Just different tones
They all serve
Why else would they be part of our lives!
I know & see clearly
No doubt in my mind
No judgment in my heart
I see the truth of intention
I reveal that
For all to see
I feel the warmth of your smile
The gentleness of your touch
My heart is open & connected to you
So many miles apart
And yet I feel your presence
As though you are here beside me
I long for that now
Your physical & emotional touch
I love the sound of laughter
Infectious as it is
You break into a smile
Watching the delights of those around you
Pure joy
It fuels the heart mind & soul
I dream a dream
Not even I can see
To be the best
That I can be
Explore all paths
& ideas too
Be sure to follow
What’s best for you
Silent aggression invades me
Poisoning my head
Torturing my emotions
My body bears the signs of battle …
… hardened mouth
… blaring eyes
… snarling lips
… nostrils flaring
… shoulders up around my ears
Every part of me tight & weary
Eyes cast down
Hiding the turmoil within
Too ugly for the eyes of loved ones
I become reclusive or
Put on a brave face
I plod thru the day
Hoping … willing … wanting
Tomorrow to be different
But will it?
Only I hold the key to freedom!
Will I choose to stay a victim of my own misery?
Yes … I know better
But instead I choose the road of self torture!
Why?
I have no idea!
But I know inside I do
I am kidding myself!
So what stops me from admitting or acknowledging?
Why do I choose to make it more difficult for myself?
As though I am trying to create my own failures
So I can rise successfully from the battle?
My achievement all that greater
Or perhaps I am addicted to drama
Or do I just want to create a story for myself!!!
One of toil, pain & gain
Or perhaps I am just programmed for pain!!!
Either way … I do it well
The self torture … that is
I feel like I have done a masters degree
Graduated with honors
A skill for life
God no!!!!!
If only I put the same amount of energy & effort
Into moving forward as I did with staying stuck!!!
I’d be light years ahead!!!
Instead I am like a cauldron of oil
Smoldering & smoking
Waiting for the slightest opportunity
Where I can boil to a crisp
Rendering myself tainted & unusable
It’s as though I want to spoil my own goods
Thwarting all opportunities!
And you know what?
I cannot help myself
I stew & simmer automatically
As though I am pre programmed
Perhaps I am!!!
Why do I hold myself back?
Resisting the success I deserve?
Why do I diminish my own self worth?
I am worthy & deserving
Regardless of what any priest says!!!
“Lord I am not worthy & deserving …
But only say the words & I shall be healed”
I feel cursed!
Who has the right
Divine or mortal
To determine my worthiness
Or what I deserve
That power comes from within
No wonder millions walk this earth believing they are victims
They believe the power is outside of them!!
If only they knew!!!
What are you waiting for?
A personal invitation …
To step into your life?
Permission to live?
Courage to fail?
To fall flat on your face
Dust yourself off
And take that next step
Feeling a sense of pride
Yes!!!
I can do it!
I can put one step
In front of the other
I can face another day
I can hold my head high
And say …
I am proud of me
For everything I have done
Or not done
For what I have said …
Or not said
For what I have felt …
Or not felt
I am proud of me
Unconditionally
Do you stand being alone?
Witness to your own life
There is no escape
Now or ever
Be what it may
It is all you have
So don’t throw it away!
Heartfelt knowing
Is what I seek
Synchronis rhythm
My heart does beat
Relaxed & flowing
Is no mean feat
To sense & know
My own belief
My feelings are of me
But they are not me
They speak to me
They educate me
But they do not define me!
A soft voice within whispers …
You’ve done well
You’ve followed your heart
You battled your head
You’ve evolved the things not working
No more blind beliefs
No more plodding on the treadmill
You’ve broken the cycle
You’ve dug deep
To discover what’s inside
A woman of great depth
With an enormous heart
One who feels everything she does
No more auto pilot
No more numbness
The fortress has tumbled
You are stronger now
More than before
The supple strength of the willow
Who flexes with the elements
Meshing with their environment
Deep rooted, grounded & stable
Moving to the seasons
Reveling in whatever climate blows her way
Strong & supple in her form
Soft, languid & nurturing in her presence
Welcoming with her lush green foliage
A peaceful spot for all to rest!
Enveloped by your draping lines
You surround those around you
With harmony & joy
They drink from your spirit
Refreshed for the next stage
Of their life’s’ experience
Not only do we create but we destroy
What is destruction?
A clearing of the past …
The paving of a new path …
Purging old beliefs …
Lightening the load …
Every minute of every day
Our bodies are both creating & destroying
Our cellular structure is killing off
Powering down
Phasing out old cells
It does this to keep up vitality
To keep us in perfect working order
It makes way for the new
And so …
We too …
Consciously & unconsciously
Create & destroy
Hand in hand
They work in tandem
Like everything in this paradox we call life
Two sides of the same coin
So often we only want to see one side
But there is always 2
Do you see them now
In everything you do
Take a look
It is always there
Here I sit self conscious
For all to see
I wear my heart on my sleeve
I strip myself bare
In plain view
Nowhere to hide
Naked
Part of me enjoys the exhibitionism
Part of me feels awkward
In fact I often feel awkward
But what is awkwardness?
Is it not just the fear of being judged?
Not being good enough
Or inappropriate
Or perhaps being rejected
Does it really matter?
The most important thing
Is your own opinion
Are you rejecting you?
Be comfortable with you
Be comfortable in your own skin
Cause if you are
Everyone else will be
As they are only reflections of you!!!
Infinite opportunities
Floating in the air
Infinite opportunities
Surround me everywhere
Infinite opportunities
Are there if you care
Infinite opportunities
Pluck them if you dare!
Balance …
A desire so strong
Seeking … searching
We look for that elusive balance
What is it really?
A mid point?
Oscillation between 2 extremes?
Its different things for different people
A set of scales evenly poised
Treading carefully
So we do not disrupt
Perfect symmetry
Perhaps the ebb & flow
High tide
Low tide
Perfect counter balance
Head in the oven
Feet in the freezer
On average …
I am warm!
What is it really?
A concept … A construct
Of how we should or shouldn’t
Different things for different people!
Balance
A perception
Of the mind
Of the senses
If we see wide enough
If we see far enough
We will see the truth
Everything as it should be
Every minute of every day
Perfect unison
Perfect synergy
All in balance or counter balance
So like the pendulum swing
Perfect symmetry
If you can only see
Both sides of the swing
Too & fro
We ebb & flow
The dance of life
Fluidity in motion
My soul is here to speak
My soul is here to teach
No need for sound
No need for speak
Pure resonation
Thru & thru
We communicate
As one
Connected
Sensing
Knowing
Our truth
Beyond the creative illusions
We master so well
We are the creators of our lives
We get what we want
Consciously
Unconsciously
It’s time to be deliberate
To become the authors of our lives
The producer of our life’s experience
Deliberate in our creations
We have the power
For it lies within
Take it
Embrace it
You can do no wrong
There are no mistakes
Only investments in you!