Ramblings of a MadWoman

I Write

I write
You read
With like
Or dislike
With understanding
Or perplexion
No matter which
We’ve sparked a thought
Ignited a feeling
This is why
We are alive
To experience it all!

Hammaming In Maroc!

A small inconsequential door
Marks our entry
To a unique shared experience
Centuries old
Age & youth
Arab & western
Come together
Side by side
We sit
In each other’s slops!
We bath
Uncovered
Exposed

You
Comfortable in your bareness
Within this hidden interior
A stark contrast
To your veiled appearance
On the streets!
For us
The reverse
Comfortable in our bareness
Unclothed on the streets
We quiver
With self consciousness
When bare
In the company of our sisters!

For you
No need to flaunt
No need to taunt
You are comfortable
Within your being
Expressed
Thru brush strokes
As you groom each other
With the tenderness of lovers
Strangers side by side
You share this moment
Cleansing
Purifying
Almost a sacred
Silent ritual
But so much
Knowing is exchanged

There is a shift
Upon our presence
As we enter
Our awkwardness
Amusement
For the locals
The spell
Temporarily broken
Reweaves itself
All eyes turn
As we slip & slide
Nervous laughter
Shadows our discomfort
We feel exposed
And out of place
And yet
The warm steamy atmosphere
Is strongly safe & secure

Slowly we relax
Into the strong hands
That twist & turn our bodies
Deftly navigating our curves
Without being too personal
Or intimate
The layers wash away
Not just skin!
We are cleansed
Mentally
Emotionally
Spiritually
Physically!

We float
Back into
The maddening crowds
Of Fez
But we are different
Our spirits are glowing
We are heartfelt
And knowing
Feeling divinely alive
And floaty
We slip gently
Back into
The ebb & flow
Of the medina

Abundance

Yet another part
Of our natural essence
That so many resist
Closing themselves
From receiving
And yet
They chase with haste
With one hand
Whilst sabotaging
With the other!
Fragmenting & defusing
Their own abundance!

Are they fearful of their own power?
Or feeling not worthy?
If so …
What have they done
To be so non deserving?
Perhaps it’s about responsibility
Some people shy away from that
Or the effort or focus it takes
Maybe they are keeping themselves
On the straight & narrow
For fear of going overboard
Or being over indulgent!
Others may think it makes them lazy, slothful
They will lose their determination & drive
Or perhaps it’s the thrill of the chase
Of solving the problem & creating the solution
The end prize almost being an anti climax!

How paradoxical …
We hold back on one form of abundance $$$$
For fear of losing another …
Drive, opportunity, humility, thrill, achievement etc
There are endless forms of everything
So why fear lack or limitation
Or perhaps that’s not the issue
Perhaps it’s one called control!
But still that is rooted
In fears of lack or loss
We need to spend more time
Focusing on what is plentiful
Within our lives
Cause there are many stock piles
It’s then a matter of
Changing the form
A much easier challenge
Psychologically
Than starting from nothing!

Joy Filled

We are all joy filled
That is part of our true essence
But for some of us
We resist
Boy … do we resist!
For whatever reasons
We grit our teeth
Refusing to smile
Defusing our joy filled states
What a conundrum
We place ourselves within
Seriousness or sadness
Cast upon us
By our own hands!

I ask myself
From where does this resistance come?
What beliefs do I hold
That deny myself
Of my natural joy filled state?
• Is it too simple
• Life’s not that easy
• That’s not being responsible
• You must take life seriously
• Be focused, logical & determined
• You must work hard & you will be rewarded
• You must be the best
• You must achieve your full potential
• You must make something of your life
• No time to waste
• Work work work
And so I did!

I think back …
To the carefree fun loving girl of 6
All smiles & pigtails
Where did she go?
Naivety pops into my head!!!
There are monsters out there!
They may take advantage of you!

To over simplify …
It seems somewhere
My joy filled, carefree, fun loving self
Shifted to  … fear based & consequences!
I grew up!
I became responsible!

Whatever prompted me
To make being adult & responsible vs
Joy filled & fun loving
Mutually exclusive?
For whatever reason …
I cemented that association
And it has taken many years to dismantle it
Not that it has to!
I chose to make it long & drawn out
I had many lessons to learn
And of course
I wanted to do it MY way!!!
And so I did!!

I think
In a way
It was my own form
Of discipline … of training
My very own personalised Masters degree!
So now …
I realise the truth …
I am
And can be
Joy filled at any moment!
Despite anything else …
I am doing
I am having
I am being
It is disrespect for self
If we do not honour
That within our ourselves
Part of our life spark
The human spirit
That flows thru us all
How can we deny that
Being Joy filled
Is our birth right!

Self Discovery

If joy filled being
Is our natural state
Why do we exert
So much effort & energy resisting?
Does it need to earned?
Like respect …
They say we must earn it!
But what if we naturally
Respect ourselves & others?
Why do we put conditions
On all that is around us?
Why do we put conditions
On all that abounds us?

So back to joy filled
Can it be that simple?
Were we born that way?
What’s the use of intelligence
If we don’t have to work it out?

So here’s my thought …
We come into this world
• joy filled
• loving unconditionally
• respected & respectful
To name a few …
Our egos & intelligence
Set us on a path of discovery
We embrace & take on
Everything we are not!
How else do we know thyself!
We need contrast to see
We need drama to feel
When we realise this …
Our journey takes a new direction
Rediscovering our natural essence
Our truth
The very thing we started with!
So perhaps …
This is our true purpose
To explore
What we are
And what we are not
How else can we know thyself?

Discovery

What is in my heart?
No one knows!
What is in my head?
No one goes!

A whole new world
Wanting to be discovered
Opportunity & abundance
Waiting to be uncovered

By you
By me
Whoever it be
It’s there for the making
It’s there for the taking

Sharing

To share beyond
I first must share
The great delights
Of what I see
The great insights
Of what I be
To share beyond
The sharing starts
With me

Meaning

Stop searching for meaning … you will only find it if YOU create it!

It does not stem from the things you do or have … but rather from who you be!

Like your sense of purpose … it comes from within!

Rampant Imagination

Vivid imagination
Is natural to us all
As serious, purposeful, intellectual adults
We tend to shut this side down
Unbeknown to us
Our imagination lives on
Often running rampant
But not in the form we expect
Visions, dreams, opportunities etc
But in the form of anxieties & fears
We think the worst
Worry ourselves silly
The virtual illusion
Grows & grows
If left unthwarted
It can take over our minds
Running us this way & that

Our imagination
Can also present its self
As idealisms, perfection & fantasy
Again we invest
Significant time & effort
So much so …
They become our reality
Our benchmark
So when we look at our lives
Our day to day
Doesn’t stack up
We fall short of our idealism
As we start to feel sad & blue
The gap widens
Spiralling us down
If left unquestioned
We become depressed
Longing for what is not!
Never was & never will be!
The time & effort
We have invested
In creating this form of reality
The time & effort
We have spent
Collecting evidence
So we can continue
To believe this reality
Works in favour of our egos
We refuse to believe there
Could be a straight forward solution
How would we feel about ourselves
If the truth be known
That our own misery
Was created by us
It takes a lot of guts
To see this
It takes a lot of nerve
To own this
It takes strength
To embrace this responsibility
Cause when we do
We are compelled
To move ourselves forward & thru
Yes … we must take responsibility
For that too
And yes … we do survive
Stronger than before
(Thanks ONJ)
We all have capability to do this
You just need to choose to
The rest will come

You don’t have to do it alone
It takes courage to move down this path
So you don’t have to be brave
And go solo
Find a wing man or woman
There are so many people
Who want to help
There are so many people
Who understand
You just need to want to help & understand you
Cause that is the starting point
All else will fall into place.
So go ahead
Ask for help today.

I Feel Love

I feel love
So much love
My cup flowith over me
Washing away my fears
Washing away my doubt
This my reality

Swirling Emotions

It’s been a while
Since I’ve wandered this space
A gush of emotion
Welling up inside
Flooding my being

Swirling emotions
Cascading
Through me
Around me
They all
Surround me

I lose my bearings
Am I up?
Am I down?
I can’t really see
What’s all around me

Not sure
If I feel
Sad
Mad
Or bad

No matter
They are only temporary dwellings
A stop over
On my way through!

Junk Thoughts

Junk thoughts
Fuel my mind
They take up space
My eyes they blind

I cannot see
They block my view
Perhaps I’ll sit
And chew & stew!

Of what has been
Our could have had
Perhaps I’ll stay
All mopey & sad!

Cause missing out
Has got me pissed
Full of regret
For opportunities missed!

They leave me scolding
My own self
Another blow
To health & wealth!

So shall I take
The garbage out?
Purge my mind
Of stubborn doubt

It’s time for me
To think anew
To change my stance
And outlook too

The choice is mine
To sink or swim
To move ahead
Is not a sin!

I’ve paid my dues
All debts repaid
A brand new path
I wish to pave

It’s time for me
My heart’s desire
Ignite the spark
And light the fire

For life awaits
For you & me
To be the best
That we can be!

My Truth

I see my truth
I know my truth
I am my truth
I love my truth!

Vulnerability & Uncertainty

Inspiration
Comes from within
The spark
The flame
Cannot be bought
Cannot be borrowed
It’s yours
To be found
It’s yours
To be ignited
How?
You ask
Open your heart
Open your mind
Stand relaxed
In your own vulnerability
In your own uncertainty
For these are only spaces
Temporary dwellings
That enable you
To do the things
You may not do
To see the things
All new to you
New horizons
New possibilities
Things you may not normally notice
Leading you down new paths
To different opportunities
Not previously open to you
Vulnerability
Uncertainty
Your doorways to new beginnings!

Be It

Everything you need
Is within you now …
See it
Feel it
Own it
Be it!

Authenticity

Being authentic is far more important than hiding behind a veil of knowledge

Lost Souls

Lost souls
Never found
Eternally searching
Taunted
Tortured
Their lives
They take
Wanting release
Seeking redemption
Never to be found
Outside of them

When will they see
Deep within thee
Lies the answer
The solution …
Their own beauty
Feeling cursed
They cannot see

Awake I say
You are blind no more
For within you
Lives a light so bright
More beautiful than the divine
Do not extinguish
In your haste
Instead
Seek the light of another
To help you shine
Alone
Or together
It does not matter
For love
Need not be seen
It needs …
Only to be felt!

Doing What I Love

Doing what I love
Is not a luxury or privilege
It’s my right in life

My Oasis

Underneath every harsh & barren desert
There lays an oasis waiting to flourish

Open Hearted

My heart is open
Expansive
Like an open channel
I am ready to receive

Overly Capable

Imagine
If we were capable 24*7
What room would there be
For others to step forward
To allow them to contribute
To flourish & grow
If you are always capable
And in control
Where is the room
… For your partners support
… Your children to help
… Your work mates to have a go
For as long as you are fully capable
There is no room
For growth of self
Or others
Perhaps you are stealing the limelight
Hoarding the opportunities
No matter
It always balances out
In the end
Either they will become dependant
And you resentful
Or it will fire them up
So they demand an opportunity
Either way
It is catalyst for change
A chance to rebalance the sea saw!

Fear of Unknown

Today’s truth …
I have an unknown fear
Or so I thought!
But really
It’s a fear of the unknown.
How obvious is that!
Yet I refuse to see
Keeping myself blind
So that I would not
Move on

I love surprises
I love the sense of discovery
I love new experiences
So why this fear of unknown?
Will I feel unprepared?
Possibly
Will I feel silly or foolish?
Possibly
Perhaps I’ll be surprised & delighted
I’ll never never know
Till I give it a go!

So why the fear of unknown?
Do I use it as an excuse?
Yes
For what?
Stalling
For what?
To improve my preparedness
Isn’t that just self conscious crap?
Yes yes yes
So what’s so bad about being unprepared?
I make a mistake …
Big deal!
You undo it …
Or back track …
Or do it again!
Perhaps I’ll loose face
And as an expert
That may affect my credibility!
But that may only be my perception
Cause in actuality …
I am demonstrating courage …
Courage to fall down … then get up!
Perhaps even a thousand times.
Innovators & pioneers of past
Have done exactly that!

Think back to a child
Learning to walk …
Fall down
Get up
Fall down
Get up
Wobble a few steps
Plonk!
On your bott
Grinning from ear to ear
Giggly & proud
For taking those few steps
So perhaps I am
Just learning to walk & talk
A new chapter of my life
Where is the fear in that!

Life

” And in the end, its not the years in your life that count. Its the life in your years.” – Abraham Lincoln

Your Loving Self!

Heartfelt feeling
Expands my being
My arms reach
Around the world
Embracing souls
Embracing spirits
The life blood of us all
Bonded
By unknown threads
Connecting us all

I sense them
I see them
United as one
We search
We skip
To different tunes
All seeking the same
… Connection
… Understanding
… Purpose
… Belonging
… A love of life
… A love of self
… Unbroken love
As it truly is

The ego may flex
To test the bounds
But love flows freely
Unthwarted by you
Unthwarted by me
A mystic magic
So simple
So true
For we are made of love
It is the pulse
Within your veins
It is the life source
That all of us seek

Look no further
For every fibre within
Holds love as its nucleus
Deception may be at work
If you feel
… loveless
… heartless
… unworthy
… non deserving
For this is all a charade
Your true self
Knows its origins
Your true self
Knows its core

Don’t fear love
It doesn’t fear you
You deny yourself
Starve yourself
Barricade yourself
Not wanting
Or allowing love in
Do you think it’s weak?
Do you think it indulgent?
Or perhaps it’s a distraction
Straying you
From the many conquests
That awaits you

Your deception is calculated
It’s keeping you safe
So you think!
But that is your mind
Ruled by logic
Not heartfelt feelings
They are not whimsical
They are your truth
If you continue to deny
Your discontent will grow
Cause its calling you
Alerting you
To a greater self
Your loving self
That allows you to be
Soulful & free
No pretences
Just you
Beautiful you
As you are
Thru & thru!

Empty Spaces

Empty spaces
Fill my mind
Empty spaces
No way I’m blind
Empty spaces
For all to see
Empty spaces
Just room to be
Empty spaces
Don’t leave me cold
Empty spaces
So much to unfold
Empty spaces
They serve me well
Empty spaces
So much to tell
Empty spaces
They spark my fire
Empty spaces
Playgrounds to inspire!

Rest Easy

Tired now
I think I’ll rest
No longer
Am I at my best!
I’ve given all
I have to give
No moments
Must I now relive!
For I am happy
With what I’ve done
I’ve opened minds
And had some fun!

Paddle Away

Sometimes we have to paddle around
Before we head off down the rapids of life!

Orchestration

I create this moment
And the next
I’m totally responsible
For what I get!

Impressions

The sea is me
Languid & loose
Not today!
Hammering the shore
I carve out my path
Pounding that rock
Creating a new form
Etching a new character
Each one a unique finger print
Open for interpretation

Trepidation

Like an unwelcome squatter
You hover behind closed doors
Silent aggression
Loud & clear
You occupy my head
But not my heart!

I acknowledge your presence
A transient traveler
Not long will you stay
For I know in my heart
You were commissioned by my ego
To stray me from my path!

Yes … I may be diverted
But I will soon be on my way
With greater resolve
And determination
A new game I will play!